Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
This is actually a movie.
But before that, this was actually a script. These words were physically placed onto a piece of paper and handed to a lot of people who looked at them and thought, “this sounds like a fantastic way to spend a million dollars”. For this, we can only be grateful.
If you’re not familiar with Asylum Pictures, the illustrious makers of this film, they’re an outfit that specializes in ripping off well-known, usually summer-blockbuster-type films, and producing quick, low-budget derivatives that they then place on your local video store’s shelves right around the time that said summer blockbuster is about to be released. Their hope being that your culturally delinquent mother, who has had to listen to you jabbering non-stop about the upcoming Transformers movie for the past three months (you’re thirteen), just happens to stumble upon their clumsily designed replica just sitting there and–WHOOPS–your mom just bought you Transmorphers. (Which, in this particular case, you can actually thank her for later.)
Some of The Asylum’s other releases include:
The Da Vinci Treasure
Sunday School Musical
The Day The Earth Stopped
Snakes on a Train
…and my personal favorite
However, their most anticipated release of 2009 was undoubtedly Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus–one of their first films to stand out as something other than a blatant attempt to trick your stupid mother. (Sorry, your mother. But it’s true.) With this film, it would appear that they’ve actually attempted an original (I obviously use that term loosely) albeit ridiculous concept. Yeah, I suppose you could argue that this is just an indirect ripoff of Alien vs. Predator–but you’d be wrong.
All due condescension aside, this movie was actually fairly enjoyable. That is, if you consider megasharks attacking planes mid-air, some of the worst romantic chemistry in movie history, and Lorenzo Lamas doing what he regards as his legal occupation, to be enjoyable. (Which is like 97% of all people who have previously experienced joy, according to the most recent survey I just took.) The film also stars former teen pop star Debbie Gibson, proving that she is, indeed, clairvoyant.
If you haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend it. But since you’re lazy and forgetful (you get it from your mom) and will probably never get around to seeing it, we’ve done you a mega favor and cut the film down to our essential, 5-minute Cinematic Gold©®™ Edition. (sit on it, Criteron)
Obviously–
SPOILER ALERT! NEVER BEFORE SEEN TWIST ENDING ALERT!
